Vipassana meditation retreat in Kapuakapa, New Zealand

Kapuakapa. For whom the bell tolls; Vipassana 10 day Retreat

Calling this a "retreat" is misleading.

A gong is rung to signify meditation times.

14 times. Yep. 14 hours of sitting on the floor meditating.

Trying to anyhow.

You take two breaths, and bam! Your mind is gone.

Somehow, with great difficulty you manage to reel it back in.

You take two more breaths and bam! Your mind is gone yet again!

Even further this time. In fact, it’s in another galaxy by now.

Sheesh. This is going to be a looooonnnggg ten days.

Schedule of gong "ringings." Yes, that first one really does say 4am.

I, for some reason was always awake by 3:30am however...

(Pardon the grainy [and lack of] photos... they were not allowed 

so I had to sneak the ones I did manage to get.

What a great student I am hey? Already breaking rules... lol) 

You know, meditation is not a new concept to me. My dad started having me practice when I was very little. He was of the metaphyisics/philosophy disposition, so, his little daughter got the many benefits of learning about such things at a young age.

This did NOT, however, come without consequences.

Here is just one (of many such stories) from my young childhood.

So the idea was that as long as you meditated, practiced breathing and focusing techniques etc., you would be able to accomplish pretty much anything. Yes, that included levitation, growing a new set of teeth, walking through walls or any number of seemingly amazing things that Indian fakirs and mystics the world over have been known to do.

Every day I meditated. (In my own little kid version of it... which... to be honest, I don't think I've progressed all that far from).  This went on for months.

I clearly (man, it's like it was just yesterday) remember waking up one morning, sitting up in bed and thinking to myself; "I am ready."

Just like that.

I had such faith.
I had no doubts.

Today was the day I was going to fly.

Yep... I was ready, I had meditated for what seemed like ages and felt I had turned some sort of significant corner in my practice. Spoken like a true 8 year old hey?

So did I fly?
I most certainly did.

How... is another matter.

We lived in an apartment with a split level. The couch was on the top floor.  I pulled the couch to the edge of the stairs, stood on the top armrest and flung myself full force towards a patch of space above ground level. I held nothing back. I threw myself into the air with such abandon, with such might... I gave it my ALL....FULLY expecting to float midair in the area I had chosen prior to takeoff.  I even put my arms out in front of me "superman style." I did not incorporate any "safety precautions" (such as cushions) of any kind as clearly, I was ready and could levitate.

Did it occur to me to practice a little mini session first just from a standing position? Heck no. That was for people of little faith.  Me, nah... I had (and still have at times) a shocking capacity to forgo all (seeming) logic and go for the goals I`ve set for myself.  Even gravity doesn`t stop me... it`s kind of crazy when I think of some of the things I`ve done. (To myself.  Allow me to clarify; I would NEVER put anyone else through my little unconventional and often uncomfortable "experiments."  Well............ usually.... lol)

And like I said... I certainly DID fly.... head first into the hard wooden floor, breaking my nose and spewing blood everywhere. (And that was just the first of many future nose breaks. My poor parents... Sigh...)

So folks, let this be a lesson to you; even when you feel ready to fly, give it another few months. At least.

The sound of my "crash" must have been loud and spectacular because my mom ran out of the kitchen and my dad from the bedroom. My mom took one look at me and then looked at my dad knowing that somehow, he was responsible for this behaviour.

Know what my dad said to me?

"Yvette-kem (my dear Yvette) you simply did not meditate enough.

I simply did not meditate enough?!!!

... huh...?
... did I miss something here...?

"Keep practicing.  We will add more pushups to your routine too to toughen you up a bit more." 

Without so much as a blink, blame, hesitation or doubt, I said "ok."

Now don't get the wrong idea and think this was anything as simple as blind faith in a parent, doing what I was told, feeling duty bound or attempting to cull favour. (Though, being a good little Catholic school girl I was quite a rule follower in certain ways, I will admit.  However, that had more to do with a strong sense of definite `right and wrong` rather than any particular religious ferver or adoration. Even as a young child I knew that the notions religions had and attempted to foist upon people were limiting so I did not put any stock in them.) 

(Sidebar: to my friends who like to jest... please do not send me jokes about being a Catholic school girl. Believe me when I say.... I`ve heard them ALL. lol.  And besides, I'm not Catholic.)

See, those assumptions would be superficial and overtly obvious... and frankly, unimaginative. None of which would be correct.

And so I did. Practice, that is.

I kept up with my meditation practice every single day.


Six months later I attempted to fly yet again. This time from the balcony of the 11th floor. That`s a story I usually only tell in person... to this day, it gives my mom chills to be reminded of it. Sorry mom... don't mean to remind you.

Fast forward about 20+ years... I now sit 14 hours a day in the middle of the woods trying to keep my mind intact.  Allow me to reiterate my ealier statement: this is going to be a looonnnggg ten days. Sigh.

I first heard about Vipassana in 1996 when I was studying TCM and Ayurveda in Toronto. A fellow student had taken several courses and was telling the rest of us about it.  We did a one hour session with him to try it out one day. (Hans, if you are reading this, let me point out that you told us there were only TEN hours of sitting meditation, not FOURTEEN!)

I remember thinking this would be really good for me and that I should do it.  But I was also realistic and knew that I was not ready to sit for ten hours. Physically or mentally.  So, each year as more and more people around me told me about how amazing their experience was and have I heard of this thing called Vipassana, and really I have to try this retreat they discovered etc. …. I kept thinking, yes, yes, I know it and will do it, but I also know myself… I will not be ready to fully benefit from it if I go prematurely.

Boy am I glad I listened to my inner wisdom on this one.

So, after nearly 15 years, last year I had that same little voice inside me say, “Ok Yvette, now is the time.” So, I booked my spot in New Zealand and figured by the time I got there (that was almost a year ago) I’d be primed and ready.  Well, as ready as one can be for something like this.

Six weeks before the start of the course I strained my back and pinched a nerve in two separate spots. For those who know what that’s like… yeah… it’s not good. After 5 weeks of trying to loosen it and get my ligaments to shift back into place I broke down and went to see a chiropractor. Much better, but not great. Now only the subluxations remained but the sharp, heart stopping pain was at least gone.

Sitting for so long cross legged on the floor is tough on the back, made worse when your back is hurting before you even start the course. Why do I always have to make things so difficult for myself? Why? I choose to do this to myself. I know it. I really must retrain myself to take the paths of least (or at the very least less) resistance rather than the path of most learning. It’s exhausting.

The place where the course takes place is beautiful.

It is cut out of a nice spot in the lush forests of the area.

Males and females are separated. We eat and stay in different areas. Only in the meditation hall do we actually share a space, but even there we are on opposite sides not looking at anything since our eyes are closed.

At night time you see the stars, they are bright and twinkling. Every morning and evening I would look up and gaze at the constellations, checking out the Southern Cross and all the others which are unique to the Southern Hemisphere.  I say “in the morning”  because we get up at 4am so it’s still dark enough for the stars to be visible.

During the daytime the sun shone brilliantly, warming us physically while nourishing our bodies and minds, giving us energy and encouragement to keep going in our practice.

The breeze carried the fragrant sweetness of the pine, the flowers from the gardens and the damp lush scent of "forest."  There was a little walking area for the females to use during their downtimes and another for the males but on the opposite side of the grounds.

The food is absolutely delicious. Nourishing and very well combined. The effect of wellbeing and positivity it had on me is very reminiscent of the food and experience of eating at the Southern Shaolin temple in China. I will never in my life forget it. The food that the abbot had prepared was undeniably the most outstanding, nourishing, and loving I have ever had offered to me outside my family and close friends.

In a way you are living in a bubble for those ten days. No reading, no writing, no electronics, no exercise, no yoga, no breathing techniques, no mantras, no singing, no humming, no whistling, no nothing. You aren’t even supposed to be thinking. You can’t look at anyone, there is no eye contact or smiling or communicating of any sort. You are supposed to be focussing, keeping your mind from wandering as much as possible and allowing for change to occur through introspection, by seeing things as they are etc.  So for those who think they will get a lot sorted out in their heads they are mistaken. Although you DO get a lot of things sorted out it doesn’t happen in the way you may imagine.

Days one to three:

I notice on the first day that my room has wasps. I try to encourage them to leave through the open door. No luck. I try to use a pillow and other items to gently move them towards the door. No luck. Finally, I sigh, thinking that I gave them a chance, now I must swat them as I don’t relish the thought of sleeping in a room with wasps around me.

I pick up the duster and in mid swat two things happen;

1.  I have an image of my friend Shireen`s jain heart giving me the stink eye.

2.  I recall that just that morning; I had vowed not to kill anything.

Crap.

My arm froze in mid air, the killing instrument still aimed at the wasps.

I’m going to have to share this room with you guys, aren’t I?

Sigh.

I reluctantly drop my arm and consider leaving the door open while I have a shower, but then more may come in. Then again, they came in through the tear in the window screen.  Hmmmm….. what to do, what to do...? It's not like you can tell anyone or write a note... you can't communicate with other people. We must solve our own dilemnas. So then, what do I do?

Simple. Make peace with the situation.

Fine.

“Wasps, hear me now.

I have decided we may share the room, as long as you don’t sting me.”

And deeper down inside there is yet another voice in my head saying… and so help me if you do! Jain heart or no, you’re going down! And let me forewarn you... I have good aim.

Already I am prepared to break one of the five vows we had agreed to observe that very morning.

Hmmm. This is not good.

I must work on increasing my tolerance and patience, and seek alternate, loving solutions.

Ok, so what is going on inside my head?

The main things coming up surround basic and instinctual “needs” such as hunger, pain and pleasure. No surprise there. Most obvious and superficial levels are accessed by the mind first. It is like peeling away the skin of an onion. I have no idea what will happen for me during these ten days, I decide not to hope or try for anything, but rather, to simply allow and watch.

I do, however, have the thought that I think one such course will do me for this lifetime. Yeah, one is good. Once I’m done the ten days it’s crossed off my list.

Days four to seven:

Grievances begin to show up in my consciousness. It begins with the most recent ones and slowly work its’ way backwards in time… all the way to my first few years on this planet.  I start remember things I had long since forgotten or thought I had dealt with. Yeah. So apparently that was not the case because it just pissed me off to think of it again.

Expression versus suppression:

How to not get swept up by grievances that come up but at the same time not suppress them? This is the question. Go back to the breath, go back to the technique. Hmmm… seriously, I have my doubts as to how effective this is. I can calm myself down easily enough, but if it comes up again later will it not still be there… loaded with all the same frustrations I felt previously? I don’t understand. How does this work exactly?

And there I am thinking too much again.

My brain is beginning to hurt.

Another sigh.

For those mercurial types who are very intellectual in nature, this type of course is truly a test in mental restraint.

Day eight:

This is the first time I think that maybe I am going to need more than ten days. I realize that my stubbornness and embarrassment over personal emotions may be infringing on my ability to progress.

Am I insane?

Possibly.

I mean, really... who in their right minds would put themselves through this? Again? Or for longer?

Seriously, my back is killing me. I can no longer sit to eat during mealtimes because I have to “save my back” for the sitting meditation, so I stand motionless in the middle of the room while I slowly eat my delicious food, only my arm and mouth moving as I try to relax the rest of my muscles. I close my eyes and fully enjoy the supreme luxury of blocking out the world  while I focus on the texture, scent and taste of my meal.... possibly....ok... who are we kidding... deliberately... in an attempt to lengthen the perception of time in this moment.  Every now and then I allow myself the sobering action of opening my eyes slightly to look at the clock on the wall. Each time the small and large hands getting closer to the next appointed meditation stretch.

Sigh...

Tell me again... whose bright idea was this?

Though there is no yoga or exercise allowed I have taken to (secretly) doing stretches whenever possible to ease the tension in my body.

And yet, I catch myself wondering where that fine line is… how much my body can take vs. how long it will take to clear enough junk out of my mind to feel lighter. (I hear there are 20, 30 and 40 day sits).

Really? Where? When can I sign up?

Whoa!

What just happened there?
Am I actually thinking of doing this again... and for even longer?

When did that happen? I don't recal okaying this change of heart... In fact, I am actually finding myself starting to look forward to the "sits." Seriously... when did this change occur? It must have taken place at some point during the four hours that I slept last night, because I sure as h#ll don't consider myself a masochist so it couldn't have been a conscious thing.

(Sidebar: To my MA friends, before you ask... yes, I do mean that... even in the dojo I no longer take enjoyment or have any interest in being hurt in any way shape or form any more.)

(Tiny inner voice quietly says "yes... you need to get through some more stuff... either this or you find some other way... but you have more to sort through if you want to progress...")

Crap.

"Crap" because I know it's true... though I'd like to think I've gotten through at least the important bits... but secretly I know that's not quite true..

Another sigh...


Ok... putting that away for future processing.

You get two meals a day. One at 6:30am after your shortest sit (only two hours) and then again at 11:30am. You really look forward to the breakfast because your last meal before that was 17 hours ago… so there is a long break between meals.  And yet, you don’t really get hungry. Except when you see what is being served. I had to remind myself to not take very much because my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I would have gotten indigestion if I wasn’t careful and moderate.

Yeah, moderation is NOT my middle name.  I try though, really, I do!

It's partly due to my insatiable appetite for understanding, experiencing and living as fully as I can that gets me into all sorts of scraps in life. (Most of which tend not to be talked much about). But then, I DO have some truly incredible stories to share when I do share.

Days nine and ten:
People are getting antsy. You can see it, you can feel it… the end is near… they can practically smell it.

I’ve seen a lot of crying, a lot of breaking down, a lot of emotions getting played out. I wonder if that will happen to me some day. It still hasn't hit me... that life changing moment that people used to tell me about when they did their course. I have managed to get through the entire course without really feeling anything. Not because I was trying for that, but because that is what my experience thus far had been.

Except frustration at all the perceived grievances of my past. Now there's a feeling that has popped up quite a lot. Frustration and impatience and then more frustration. 

There has also been a lot of clarity, however. That's good. Different insights came to me about my life which was helpful. Though it did frustrate me that so much of my time was spent going through past stuff, some of which came up over and over again. I mean really, am I not over that one yet? Or "wow, I can't believe that is still in there... where did that come from?!" At times I even found myself indulging in little mental fantasies until I caught myself and brought my mind back to the Vipassana.  It felt like I had wasted a lot of time on stuff that was not necessary or just didn’t serve me. And yet, if it kept coming up, then I suppose it needed “sorting out.” I have to say I am rather amazed at some of the memories that resurfaced. Even remembering certain people’s names and a myriad other details I don’t think I could have recalled if you had asked me before the course.  It’s an interesting experience.

So would I recommend this? Yes. Is it for everyone? No.

You really have to want to do it. It’s hard work and if you just sit there and let your mind wander off you lose this amazing opportunity to clear some stuff out and gain greater control over emotions and mental states. Prepare yourself for physcial discomfort and back tension. Whether you work or not you will be hurting a little. Just get over it and do your work to the best of your ability if you are going to do this program.

I met a man on my travels who used to work at Alert. It's the northernmost station in the world. Fairly harsh weather conditions. He told me that this course was warrior training. I can see why he thought that. He said he definitely would NOT recommend this for anyone new to meditation... or sitting cross legged.  Again, I can see why.

The final night on the tenth day there is a little celebratory dinner.

Noble silence had been broken by noble chatter.

People are sharing and talking about what their experience of the previous ten days was like. You hear about who had packed their bags and tried to leave on days two, or five or six, and how some decided to `do their washing` and just wrung the hell out of their clothes to help them deal with their emotional upheavals in their minds. You hear about who started cleaning their rooms with religious fervour to keep from running away in the middle of the night. You hear about who went and took a long hot shower at 2am so no one would be disturbed by the sounds of their weeping. You hear about who was biting their arms to keep their composure. You hear about who had done this before and how their previous experience compared to this one.  They are all tough. It never gets easier apparently. But it is different. You hear from many people how this has been absolutely life changing for them. You hear how excited and happy people are to get out there and tell all the people in their lives how much they love them and how much they value and appreciate all they have done for them.

I listen to all their stories with a kind of childlike awe and secretly wonder why I had been bypassed by these experiences? Why had I missed out? I didn’t feel those things, and the times that I had it was so minimal, so slight it was just a passing, fleeting thing barely visible on the radar for me. Yet here was everyone (it seemed) going on and on about how great they felt. Their joy and exuberance is what I had experienced (or very similar) at the end of my TTC (teachers’ training course) at the Sivananda ashram when I graduated many years ago.  So I could relate to the experience they were now having, but only from a removed place. 

Still, I felt a bit like some greater experience had eluded me here. Did I not try hard enough? Did I waste too much time “thinking” when I should have been meditating? Did I do something not quite right? What did I miss?  I think I really DID need another 5 days or so. Others worked past their grievances and got to the point of lightness, clarity, happiness and joy. I think I am still working out the grievances and have not had enough time to get beyond that.  I don’t think it’s because I have more grievances than anyone else, I think it’s because I can be too stubborn for my own good sometimes and “letting go” is at times truly difficult for me.

You find out people’s names, what part of the world they are from, how they came to be here, who has kids, who has grandkids, who does what etc.

I think some people felt like they were just dying to talk all week. It was as if the cork had been removed suddenly after ten days of total silence. Suddenly, there was a cacophany of noise. Yep... noble silence has been shattered by... verbal diarrhea.

It was wonderful to see folks so happy and cheerful and feeling connected and open and sharing. The men were now allowed to mingle with the ladies so we ate together for the first time.  Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends who had both done the course were now able to eat and talk with each other. One of the ladies found out she was pregnant on the sixth day of the course and this was the first time she was able to talk to her husband and tell him. He was thrilled!  Turns out he had noticed she was out of sorts the whole time and was really worried about her. Ahh....Vipassana baby.

It was really good to hear from the men. You could hear them crying sometimes too. The last day there were a few who really broke down. In sympathy, many of the women got teary eyed too they were telling me later on.  It’s not often one hears a grown man cry. In this society there are not many `safe` places for them to work through emotions in a supported and loving environment. This is very sad, actually. That by itself, makes the Vipassana course invaluable I think. I really feel for men in this regard. They are not given enough credit for many, many things. They are often working stuff out in the background, in private and do not have access to as many support networks as women. If we need to let loose it is perfectly acceptable and we have so many options, but for men, it is much more difficult.  I wish they had more support… though it seems as time goes on this is starting to happen so that’s positive.

That night I did something I haven't done in 19 years.
Yes people, I counted.
19 years.

I blow dried my hair after washing it. Not earth shattering news by any means... but something to note. I remember the last time I did that, as well as the last time I ate meat (December 24th, 1996, 5pm-ish), and the last time I drank water straight from the tap. No mom, this does NOT mean I am going to start eating liver again. Please don't get your hopes up on that one.

It's weird how the most inane, mundane and seemingly trivial items come to mind at times of great inner stillness.... feeling removed from all things around you and not pulled by `distractions.` The most absurd observations come to mind. At least to mine they do. lol.
In fact, the very first day I did something I have never done before. In the registration form where it asks you to state/ your occupution, rather than my usual "web designer, yoga instructor," I actually found myself printing out the letters to "Storymaster." I ended up erasing it and putting "writer" as this was more easily understandable. "Storyteller" isn't quite right either... but I thought it was interesting that I didn't say I was a designer or instructor of any sort.  Hmm mmm?  Maybe I am moving towards new directions...?

The last morning:

After our final morning meditation and breakfast, I head to the bathroom one last time before going back to Auckland.

I’m zipping up my pants and the strangest sensation passes through me.  Out of my mouth erupts this halting laughter. I swallow it and kind of shake my head wondering what that was about. Then bam! I totally unravel and crack up. I mean, seriously, seriously crack up.

I'm a bit... manic... moments of being totally depressed out of my mind thinking there is no point to anything, then laughing insanely at nothing like a crazy person, then almost bawling, then feeling like I’m in a dream state and just observing this reality yet feeling nothing.

I was TOTALLY calm and fine and all "shanti shanti" during the entire ten days. And then the morning we are all set to leave I am hit with this… this…. wave of... something.. I don’t even know what.. but it was very reminiscent of that time I broke down at the Dollarama... only it wasn't exactly joyful this time around. I just cracked up. At one point during a "laughing fit" I nearly cracked my head against the toilet. I've been feeling like a mad woman since... and it's been at least 8 hours now.

I was going to go to a party when I got back to the city but I’m simply not in any frame of mind to deal with humans right now. And that's a shame because I was really looking forward to it. But I can barely handle being me right now. I don’t think anyone wants to be around me at this moment.

Life is ok. Pointless, not pointless... I feel like I am at this possibly good place where I can clear a lot of stuff and move forward with greater clarity and contentment... but unfortunately it is also the same place where it can go either way and fall into a very dark place too. I will probably come out of it soon but I don't want to press it down and suppress it. I feel precarious right now. Not terrible but definitely not good either.

I realize all this will pass so there is no need for me to even attempt to intellectualize or get too bogged down and try to ride the wave, so to speak. In a week I’ll probably look back and go “yeah, that was then and this is now, that has passed and now I am full-on involved with other ideas and concepts.”

You know, I realize that I am not so much an emotional `weeper` as an emotional `laugher.` I laugh to break tension. I don’t think I really understand the concept of crying. But laughter seems to bypass all my walls and restraints, all the embarrassment I feel towards allowing myself to get emotional… laughing seems to be more ok (and socially acceptable) for me as a tool for breaking down tension. Maybe as I feel less embarrassed about human emotions this will change… I usually have to be pretty shocked into getting my eyes to water. Thank goodness I can laugh. I would be pretty grim otherwise. 

The days after Vipassana:

Depression has sunk in.
What is the point of anything?

I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to deal with anything.
I feel like I was in the middle of a very crucial point and then the course ended. I really could have used at least another 3 – 5 days.  It’s like being forced awake in the middle of your REM sleep cycle… so now I’m utterly exhausted and not in a good mood.  I did not get to complete the full cycle and now I either try to keep allowing things to come up in the middle of a busy city or suppress and just get through the noise and running around and deal with my 300+ emails.

I actually went online to see if there was a 20 or 30 day course on the South Island since I will be there for the next 5 weeks. Nope. Sigh. Alright then.  I’ll just breath and continue on knowing that all things pass. All things pass, both pleasant and unpleasant. The problem is, I have a tendency towards depression so I have to be careful with my emotions all the time. I keep myself in check almost all the time because I don’t go to healthy areas when I let myself slide down that path.

Going for a walk now. Sitting quietly by the water should help.

ps. The last morning they showed a movie from Karuna Films about the effect of Vipassana meditation on the prisons when introduced to both inmates and workers. Tihar prison in India was the first in the world to successfully attempt this. Now prisons around the world are introducing Vipassana into their systems. It's an incredible documentary and I highly, HIGHLY recommend you see it. Even if you don't care for meditation, as a truly moving and inspiring film, this should be on your list. Go and see it today! http://www.dhamma.org/en/av/dtdv.shtml

Ps. To view some pictures, click here.


The 11th Floor "Balcony Incident"

Jason:  I love your 8-year-old flying story. Do tell, did you jump off the 11th floor balcony as your encore? Or was your attempt thwarted? (Oh I hope you were thwarted, just this once in your life, just for this one event...)

I loved the part about the wasps too...I like the juxtaposition within you of benevolence + evil intent. :)

Yvette:  I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed my little 8 year old kiddie story! Yay!

And for once, I did not succeed... as I am still here. You surmised correctly my friend!

You know how surfers wait for the perfect wave "to ride?" Well, that was exactly what I was doing... waiting for the perfect gust of wind to ride. No, I'm not kidding. I don't believe myself to have been a delusional kid, just incredibly motivated, curious and highly experimental... pain and discomfort did not put me off... as it did most of my peers.

I had gone onto the balcony, grabbed the ledge and swung my legs over the side. I was hanging onto the ledge with my fingers only, my body full extended and hanging on the outside of the balcony. Yes... 11 floors up. (I don't have much natural fear except in human relations. Strong feelings can make me uneasy, but not “exterior danger” which may lead to physcial/corporeal death.  That just seems like a piece of cake in comparison to human emotions. lol)

So there I was, enjoying the sun shining down on me and listening to the rustling of the leaves from the nearby trees as the wind picked up. I was calmly waiting for that "perfect wave" to ride. Yes, I was aware of that little thing called gravity, but my mind contained no self-doubt whatsoever. I decided it was going to happen... so therefore... it must.

My mom, however, was in the kitchen and when she went out to the living room she happened to look up and see my fingers on the inside, but not the rest of my body. Needless to say she freaked (“ahem” slightly) - she ran out, grabbed me with both hands and literally threw me over and into the house in one fell swoop. She's stronger than she looks... the places where her hands landed swelled up as if I had been hit by something very hot and heavy.

She barely spoke to me afterwards... only saying that I was banned from the balcony and that I was not to so much as look in its direction.

I suspect she gave my dad hell later in private.
Yeah... my dad and I both routinely got "into trouble" for all sorts of shinannigans.

So... yeah.... that's the story.

The next summer when I was finally allowed access to the balcony again, I managed to get myself banned for yet another six months because I blew up the couch.... which happened to be on the balcony.

Though I’d like to point out that I had thought this was unfair as I was conducting an experiment which my dad had shown me. Of course I did not rat out my father... but I was not pleased about the ban, either.

The thing is, I was never mischievous or deliberately trying to cause harm... I was highly scientific in my approach, made notes of my findings and did a lot of "process of elimination" in an effort to obtain answers to my burning questions about life. So often, I felt that I was unfairly being punished.

Jason: Wow, Yvette, your 11-storey flying tale is quite incredible. Well, I am glad your quick-acting mother hurled you inside.

I love your confident sense of abandon...but I think I won’t instil *that* much confidence in my kids. We’re 26 stories up so I’m not prepared to take any chances.

Oh yes...sorry, but how does blowing up your couch teach you answers about life? Or were you investigating the processes of creation and destruction?

Yvette:  We were using magnifying glasses of various strengths to locate optimal distance x time for starting a fire. We also used other methods to start fires (string and stick, using sparks from the pounding of various metals and rocks etc.) My dad and I were constantly exploring the natural world and he had me try out a lot of things rather than simply tell me an answer to a question about the universe. He was all for “explore and learn by doing” rather than sitting through endless hours of lecturing.

This was an old hand-me-down couch which my parents had placed outside on the balcony. So, my dad figured that if we burned a few tiny holes in to it, it wasn't a big deal.

Unfortunately, on this day, I managed to locate a particularly dry spot and the whole thing literally exploded in flames. The entire balcony was black and charred as well. The couch was a pile of wet rubble by the time my mom (again) saved the day.

I wish to make a note here; this was the very FIRST time I was allowed out on the balcony alone after my 6 month incarceration.

It was also my last time for yet another 6 months.

Sigh.

My poor mom... a gemini is THE worst kind of child for a scorpio to have. She always wanted strict, rigid, disciplined rules... and I wanted to be free of in all ways and of absolutely everything.  (Good luck with your daughter Elizabeth… oh wee Gemini child of yours! lol)

Jason:  Wow, that’s a pretty incredible story. And made extra delicious by it being THE first time you were allowed out on the balcony again.

Well, I will note this all for the future. Experimentation is great, but under adult supervision!

Or better, under my wife’s supervision.

Yvette:  I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I too enjoy it now... somewhat... but really wasn't happy about the ban when I was little.

Though, I so TOTALLY understand my mom's perspective on this.