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Adventures, Lifestyles and Possibilties
Sunday, February 16, 2025
Unlock Your Healing: The Mind-Body Connection | Interview with Shahiroz ...
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Tuesday, October 22, 2024
So... What Do You Do For Fun?
In the past, when someone asked me what I do for fun, it really irritated me. Not only did I not have an answer, I didn’t even understand what “fun” really meant. Did I even know how to have fun? Did I allow myself to? The answer until recent years was "no," and "no."
According to the dictionary, fun is "providing amusement, entertainment, or enjoyment—something that is pleasant." Simple enough, right? Yet, I found myself disliking the question because I couldn't give an answer that resonated and felt true for me. The closest I got to answering this fell into the spectrum of what I considered "relaxation" or "excitement", neither of which felt "fun" to me, only aspects of "fun."
I also wasn’t the person people would typically call “fun.” I was more serious, and if you had asked my friends, I probably wouldn’t have been their go-to for spontaneous good times. 😄
Why was I blocked when it came to fun?
Growing up in a humble immigrant family where my parents worked tirelessly, fun felt like a luxury we couldn’t afford. Fun, adventure, and even self-care seemed indulgent. I absorbed the belief that fun had to be earned—and even then, it could be seen as lazy or selfish.
Can you relate?
I became a perfectionist, always striving to prove my worth—excelling in school, sports, and being the best daughter I could be. I was very conscious of how hard my parents worked and I did my best not to be a burden to them. Responsibility was my focus, and fun? Well, it didn’t seem to fit in nor have true value in our lives.
Fast forward 40+ years...
Growing up in Canada, I had a lifelong desire to spend winters in a warm, sunny place where I could connect with nature daily and didn't have to wear an extra 15 kilos of clothes to stay warm. All of you people who live in cold countries - you know what I'm talking about.
In my 40's I finally made the move and got an apartment in the Dominican Republic a 2-minute walk from the ocean. It turned out to be one of the most life-changing decisions I’ve ever made.
In the warmth of the sun and the embrace of the ocean, I finally learned what it meant to play, to relax, and to allow myself to really, truly enjoy life day by day despite working full time. I watched locals embrace life without wasting precious energy on worries or old stories. They taught me that fun isn't frivolous – it's medicine for the soul. It was eye-opening.
The ocean taught me to let go.
When I began learning to surf, I would spend time simply sitting on my surfboard allowing the waves to gently rock me, like a mother rocks her baby. I giggled like a child, rocking on my board as I watched the sunrise on one side and a rainbow on the other (no joke!). It was sheer magic! Ohhh, what a feeling!
I also took flying trapeze lessons and found pure joy in soaring through the air, doing somersaults, and free-falling—completely surrendering to the unknown.
Play and fun took on a whole new meaning. It wasn’t frivolous; it was deeply healing. My inner child, who had been buried for so long, came alive, and she absolutely loved it!
Can you relate?
I started taking riding lessons, galloping through rivers, hills, and the jungle. I even went rappelling through canyons and diving into water from cliffs high above—loving every moment. I began walking barefoot everywhere and freed my mind from the rigid expectations I had placed on myself.
A prisoner of my own control.
I realized I had been keeping myself trapped in a mindset of control and responsibility. But nature—and the joyful spirit of the people in the Dominican Republic—taught me a different way of living. A richer, more vibrant, and more joyful life was waiting for me, once I learned to surrender and embrace the discomfort of uncertainty. Was life perfect? No, far from it, but it was certainly a lot more fun, and that brought a new value and richness to my life I could not have imagined earlier.
So, what does fun mean to me now?
✨ Here's what I discovered: Fun isn't just about entertainment or relaxation. It's that magical space where you:
- Surrender control
- Step slightly out of your comfort zone
- Let go of your mental chatter
- Allow yourself to simply BE
- Connect with your inner child
It's not an adrenaline rush – it's a Zen moment with giggles.
🤔 When was the last time you felt that kind of pure, childlike joy and delight?
What is your definition of fun? What sparks delight in you?
The beauty of fun is that it’s deeply personal—what lights you up may be completely different from what someone else enjoys. The important thing is that you allow yourself to play.
Now, when someone asks me what I do for fun, I'm excited to dive into the conversation.
Reflect on this:
- Do you give yourself permission to have enough fun? (You determine what is "enough.)
- What does that look like?
- How can you invite more fun into your life?
If you're like I was, trapped in the "responsibility first" mindset, here are 3 ways to start breaking free:
- Try something that scares you a little (my first surf lesson changed my life!)
- Get barefoot in nature (seriously - feel the earth beneath your feet)
- Do one spontaneous thing today (no planning allowed!)
Remember: Fun isn't something you earn. It's essential for your wellbeing, and it's always within reach.
What lights YOU up? Drop a 🌊 in the comments and share your version of fun and play!
Monday, September 16, 2024
Do This Before 2024 To Change Your Life. The Only Way To Quickly Make Progress in Life
Sunday, September 15, 2024
When the Body Says No -- Caring for ourselves while caring for others. D...
When the Body Says No -- Caring for ourselves while caring for others. Dr. Gabor Maté
Thursday, September 05, 2024
Growing up as the child of hardworking immigrants, love was shown through actions. My parents made sure we had three homemade meals on the table every day, which was a big deal for them since they often went without in their own childhoods. They pushed me to face my fears because they believed I could achieve great things. They were strict but taught me the value of boundaries, the importance of integrity, and the power of delayed gratification. When they asked, "How are you?" they genuinely meant it.
Was my childhood perfect? No, no one's is. Our lives were simple, structured, and strict—but I never doubted that I was loved. If you asked "little me" what I would have wanted more of, I'd have said more hugs, more time to play, and more moments to be with my parents outside of our tight schedule since they were often away working long hours. Even with some gaps, I look back and feel incredibly blessed by the love that I received from my family and the mentors and friends who were in our lives.
Not being able to see my parents as often as I would have liked, I now deeply value quality time with people I care about. Not having had enough emotional outlets or opportunities to express my feelings, I now value genuine words of appreciation and clear verbal communication. Wishing for more hugs in my childhood, I enjoy the physical closeness (a caress, a hug, a pat on the shoulder) of loved ones which include pets and nature.
What about you?
How Childhood Love Shapes Adult Relationships
Understanding how we were loved as children helps us see why we seek or avoid certain types of love as adults. If you didn’t get much physical affection, you might crave it now—or you might find it uncomfortable. If verbal encouragement was scarce, you might find yourself drawn to partners who verbally express appreciation well, or struggle with expressing your own emotions.
This also plays out in friendships, family dynamics, and even at work. For instance, someone who didn’t receive much verbal affirmation as a child might downplay compliments or feel uneasy when praised since it is so unfamiliar, and they don't know how to handle praise when received.
Throughout my life, I saw patterns of how people received and gave love. If there was a mismatch, these wonderful people would often start growing apart.
The Five Love Languages: A Tool for Understanding
Dr. Gary Chapman’s "Five Love Languages" offers a simple yet powerful framework to understand how these childhood experiences influence our adult lives. The five languages—Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch—represent different ways people express and prefer to receive love.
- Words of Affirmation: If you grew up with lots of praise, you might value kind words now.
- Acts of Service: If your parents showed love by doing things for you, you might feel most loved when someone helps you out.
- Receiving Gifts: If thoughtful gifts were a big part of your childhood, you might see them as a key expression of love.
- Quality Time: If your family prioritized togetherness, you might crave uninterrupted time with loved ones.
- Physical Touch: If hugs and physical closeness were central, you might need physical touch to feel connected.
Understanding your love language and its roots in your childhood can help you communicate your needs more effectively, leading to stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Insights from Dr. Gabor Maté and Research
Dr. Gabor Maté, a leading voice in trauma and emotional health, explains that unmet childhood needs can drive us to seek out relationships that fulfill those voids. This can sometimes lead to repeating patterns from our past or creating relationships where the dynamic mirrors our early experiences. Research supports this idea, showing that our attachment style and emotional needs are deeply influenced by our childhood experiences.
A Path to Understanding and Growth
Recognizing how your past influences your present is empowering. It lets you address old patterns and make conscious choices in your relationships. Therapy, self-reflection, and open communication can help you heal and connect with others in healthier ways.
What about you? How did you receive love as a child, and how do you most prefer to express and receive love now?
Consider the important people in your life and ask them the same questions. It may lead to some laughs and new ideas about how you can appreciate and show up for each other in even more meaningful ways.
Another way to open up that conversation is to play a game of the five love languages (after you've done the quiz). I was in Estonia recently and met Daryl Seager. He had created a card deck that gives a list of ideas for each of the five love languages. Daryl kindly gifted my boyfriend and I a deck. It's filled with fun, insightful, and easy-to-do things that speak to the specific love language of your loved ones. You can find out more about them here: https://thelittlethings.me/
Happy loving and appreciating!